Dreams.

No I'm not talking about the dreams you have when your asleep. I don't sleep remember?

I'm talking about ambitions. About hopes. About the things that you wanted so much when you were little. Or even now? Having a family your dream job. Where you wanted to live. Your dream wedding. All those things. Now with me it's a funny subject. When I was in high school I wanted a big family. Well I now have 4 kids. But only one is my own. It's not the same. No matter how you look at it its not the same. And now I have a husband that doesn't want to have more kids. That's a dream of mine that I will never see.

When I got married We had a small wedding, everything was only $300. My wedding dress was only $40, it was special because it was handmade. But now looking back I wish we had a nicer wedding. Thats another dream that I'll never get to see.

Now I never had a clear picture of where I wanted to live. I really didn't care. Ran down shack or 3 story mansion. As long as I had someone that made me happy thats all I needed. Now I'm happy with our house. We don't live in the city but we aren't so far out in the boonies that it drives me crazy. And yes we have some ass hole neighbors but most people do. I really don't have any complaints on that one.

Which leaves me with my dream job. In high school I was supposed to take an online Russian language class. Well last minute they had to cancel it because they didn't have enough people in the class. So we had to pick another. My next chioce was photography. And thats the point where I fell in love. Since then I knew that I wanted to be a photographer. But I was too critical of my work. I didn't think that I was "good" enough to actually make it. Then I realized not too long ago that even the best photographer has to start somewhere. They didn't just pick up a camera and take these amazing pictures. They had to work at it it's a trial and error process. And even the best has room to grow. That made me realize that if I wanted it badly enough that I could make it. I could actually have my dream job. Now I know that just picking up a camera doesn't make me a photogapher. But if I ever want to BE a photographer then I have to start somewhere. And if I have to get people that I know and take pictures of them for free then thats what I will do until I am good enough to actually make it. I have to build my portfolio if I want to do anything. I want to find a class to take too. But thats a different story. All I know is that I want this. I want this and I am willing to give it my all until I have no more to give. But I will need support from my family and friends, I can't make it at all without encouragement and support. And I hope that at least the 7 people that are following this blog and the however many that are reading will give me that support.