Nightmares.

You know what I miss? I miss normal sleep. The sleep you get that is restful and uninterrupted. Hell I just miss SLEEP. Insomnia has plauged me for months. Nothing works for very long. It may get me a night or two of good sleep then it's back to my old routine. And the little bit of sleep I do get is terrorized by nightmares. The kinds of nightmares that you don't exactly remember but you know it was bad, you wake up sweating and you heart is racing and the adrenalin is pumping through your veins like a bad dose of speed. The kind that leaves you unable to fall back asleep because you are terrified of having another one.

I really just want this to be overwith. I want my appointment to come and I want the Dr to do SOMETHING to help me. I want to feel normal again. I want to smile. A real honest smile. Not one that I fake because I don't want to bring people down. It's been like that for way too long now. I'm just feeling lost. I don't know where to go. I'm afraid that if I got the wrong way that I'll lose me. The real me. The one thats been locked away because she was afraid what so called "family" would think of her. At this point I don't care. I want her back. The REAL truly honest 100% ME. Elizabeth Ann. That who I want to be. I'm tired of having nightmares andI'm tired of living a nightmare. I want my dreams back.